Yes, France Will Win!

Much to the chagrin of non- French and to the disdain of all soccer enthusiasts, I believe that France, will be the winners at this year's world football championship in Germany.

This I believe is because it's clear for all to see. After all, they are among the top favourites. Has there ever been a world champion that was not among the top favourites? No, never.

But that's not all. The team has an ideal number of players: eleven. That is nether too many, nor too few. Personally I'd have nothing against ten players more. But as it is not allowed to play with ten, unless the person overseeing the play on the field forces one team to go ahead with it, so be it. French will win with eleven. Even if one of them is an old man called Zidane.

The ball used at this World Championships will be spherical in shape. That is a very decisive advantage for the winners at France'98, because it is learnt from Ministry level sources that the team has been secretly been training the players for months with just this kind of ball. Even the bald Zidane has got used to kicking it around, and he can do things with it that are going to amaze more than a few people.

A football pitch is comprised of a lawn. The French know this type of grass very well, because it grows abundantly in their latitude (plant in March then water regularly). The French media informs that even Zidane grows it in the gardens surrounding his manor.

On top of that, a game lasts 90 minutes. For a Frenchman that's nothing: they eat for two hours at breakfast, three in the evening and four at lunch. Zidane eats the whole time.

And finally, "football" is a typical French word deriving from the English "foot" and the English "ball". But "foot" is in fact much more French than English, because the French are the only people who call running "footing".

And no apologies even if any French fan's sentiments were hurt. Would be wonderful, if this could start a new wave of street protests or media uproar!